And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
