I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
