i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
