I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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