I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
