we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
