I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
