You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
