Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
