I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
