Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You have to summon your inner elephant
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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