oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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