I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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