The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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