last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
