suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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