i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
