Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
