It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
