dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
