Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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