I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
