Pants 0. Shit 1.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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