Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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