Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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