It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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