Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
