I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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