I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
