I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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