Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
