remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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