no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
