If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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