sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
