i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
