also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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