I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
