New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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