you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
