You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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