Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
