im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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