Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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