I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
