Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
