So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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