My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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