Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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