so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
