i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
