i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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