She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My Sexting was not on an AP level
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
