it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
