Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
