this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
