Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
