I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
