I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
