I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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