Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
