I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
