There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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