I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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