It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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