I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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