he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
