Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
