I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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