then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
