Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
