so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
