when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
accomplished twins. life is a go
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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