Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
